Tag Archives: FANLESS.com

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This past weekend I earned enough money to buy a Volume Sledgehammer by retouching a ton of pics for an upcoming issue of a magazine that may or may not be referenced in this Miami New Times article I found via Critical Miami. In taking these screenshots I realized I could (should?) have done a better job on them. Oh well… They’re happy with them and I’m happy to have them done.
Anyways, here are just a few of them. (Before is on the left; after on the right. Click on them to make them bigger, and then click on the right side of the image to go to the next one.)



Now you might be like… Dude, those are so unamazing I don’t even know why you bothered posting them!” (and I wouldn’t blame you) but at least I have something to post other than me going on about how I am over the net and life in general.

Oh, P.S.: There is a Sledgehammer in this video and in these pics. I glad it’s not white and blue like the one I want to get because that girl kind of wrecks it for me.

this is pretty much the worst post ever made

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…so I’m sure that by now the innernets know that I’ve been with my uncle in Alaska hunting Wolverines for the past couple of weeks. Or maybe not. Maybe I was on my way to 8.5 a couple of Saturday nights ago when my past caught up with me and I had to do a little stint in the klink. Or maybe not. Maybe I just caught some sort of a malady, missed a couple of days of work, had my iMac G5 die on me for a 3rd time. The fact of the matter is… I CALLED IT!
A couple of months ago I said I would reach 200,000 page views in the month of August, and I did it! Easily!

And I didn’t even update my blog for the 2nd half of the month!
Busiest month: Aug 2006 (221,955 requests for pages). What do you think of that?
Maybe I’ll have this be the only post I make in September and see if I can hit 250,000!
I wonder if Apple would have replaced my iMac G5 with a new one if they knew how many people visited my site in a month. I’m betting they’d be more cooperative if I made a post about how shitty my iMac G5 is and how screwed I’ll be if it dies for a 4th time after September 24th and I have to pay $1249.20 to get it fixed.
I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Yearbook Post!

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In light of the upcoming blogger get-together I felt that a yearbook post was in order. That means that if you’re reading this (even if we’re not hanging out this weekend) then you should leave a comment containing a picture of yourself. And if you don’t have a picture of yourself on the net, you can email it to me at HeyChristianLookAtMyPicture @ fanless.com and I’ll add it to this post. Also, just leaving a link /the URL to your picture is cool too.
Here’s my picture!
I linked to the most recent picture of me online.

a 2nd plane has crashed into my internet zOMG!!!

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Dear Innernets,
Can someone please translate (at least loosely) these comments for me? I don’t want terrorists flying airplanes into my blog!
Love, Christian.

Dear people leaving comments with funny writing,
I was just kidding about the terrorist bit. Plz 2b not coming to South Beach to seek revenge on me! ALLAH AKBAR!!
kthnxbi!
-Christian

The Miami Blogosphere Gathers

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Can someone please clue me in as to what in the Tori Anus(.com!) this is all about? (I hope that’s not some s00per sekrit URL that is meant only for me and other members of the elite!)
It sounds like an event that I would be required/expected to wear more than cargo shorts and a t-shirt to. And I probably wouldn’t know anyone there and nobody would know me so I would probably just hang out in the corner, silently judging people while glaring and projecting thoughts of “DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE ME!! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!!!!!zOMG!!” or something.
And since it’s on the beach and like 1 block away I can’t really use my excuse of “I don’t have a car/ride. Sorry!” to get out of it.
I will only show up if Amy promises to go and if I am allowed to wear my Etnies.

Speaking of Etnies… Two of my pictures are on Etnies’ site as part of a photo contest. I hope I win!! I could really use some new kicks.

end of (4) days

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So here’s something somewhat interesting… I seem to have caught a cold!
On South Beach!
At the start of July!!
WTF??
Do I have AIDS or something? How in the Tori Anus(.com) am I going to get sick this time of year? retarded

Here is something even more unbelievable/ridiculous:

187,552 page views last month? WHY? I might not pay it any mind if I didn’t have anything to compare it to. But I do! How in the Tori Anus(.com) am I going to get more hits than a site like CriticalMiami.com? It doesn’t make sense. The only thing I can think of that might make this so is that I probably have a lot more content. And by content, I mean pictures and videos and stuff. I’m sure my index page gets about 90% fewer hits.
I am going to try to get up to 200,000 hits for the month of August (and maybe July). That means I’ll probably be posting a bunch of pics from the Daytona and Orlando Supercrosses, and the Washougal National, if I figure out a way to go. I wonder if it can be done. I’m SURE it can be done if a hurricane comes through, but that’s assuming I don’t lose power for too long.

everyone knows mexicans melt in the rain!

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Raul is on his way to pick me up right now. Despite the weather, we’re going riding at Markham Park. Should I get struck by lightning or otherwise kill myself on the trails today, please tell dreamhost it is OK for you to have my password for my account (only if I die today and I’m not dead YET!) so you can keep fanless.com alive for years to come. Also, please click on the dreamhost button thing on the right to keep my hosting free!
kthnxbi

¡Traduzca esto!

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Este poste está en español. No sé español, pero cada uno y su hermano lo está haciendo y deseo estar fresco, así que lo estoy haciendo también. Espero que esto sea una traducción terrible de inglés al español. ¡Eso le haría divertido adicional!

OH- Heublick! Ich kann ihn auf Deutsch auch tun! Deutscher ist ein wenig kühler als Spanisch aber, nur weil niemand auf Deutsch bekanntgibt… Schon!

Victoria EngRish

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Remember when I had to make that big-ass fake FHM cover for that Paris Hilton movie? Well, did the movie come out or what? I never heard anything about it. The website is still up, but I don’t think it has changed in the last year or however long it’s been up.
I was really moist with anticipation to see it, but now I’m kind of over it.

Also… Blogging for 6 months? 1 Year?? So what! “On Blogger since April 2000” SIX YEARS N199AZ!
Does that make me old meme?

a faker never know he fake

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It’s not like I’m Bruce Willis or something. Nobody gives a shit what I had for breakfast! Or do they…?
Here is something I really can’t wrap my pea brain around. Why in the Tori Anus (.com!) would my site get a shit ton more hits (see above image or this PDF of last month’s stats page – 83 pages!!) than Critical Miami? I type the stupidest stuff usually about 3 stupid things… Me, Myself and I. Why would anyone (save for maybe 4 people) want to read all that? I mean, more people than those that would want to read other (better) sites that are about more interesting things.
Dear innernets, You are always not to be making the sense for me always.

But anyway… I looked up a post I made about stats last fall (this post was private until just now because I never really finished typing it out. also, lollers because I typed about criticalmiami.com in that post too!) and I realized this year’s numbers are probably going to make last year’s numbers look like I was still using geocities! Imagine what could happen if I actually made the posts I always want to make, but never do because I’m lazy! I might even be able to add a google ad or two!

But seriously! This doesn’t make sense. Please advise as to how I am calculating my numbers wrong.

Little bad fothermucker playing Space Invaders

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Here are 5 posts I think about on a daily basis.
1. Memorial Day Weekend 2005! This post gets so many hits! I mean like 40%+ of my daily hits come from this post. I can’t wait for Memorial Day Weekend 2K6!

2. …and it has been all downhill from then! This probably should have been my most proud moment, but it’s hard to really be proud of an accident or a fluke. I can’t decide if I’ll be happy of bummed if we don’t get any hurricanes here this year.

3. I still haven’t been swimming in the ocean since! (I ain’t skurred! I just haven’t had an occasion to be in the Atlantic. Besides, the thing was frickin’ HUGE! and I think it wanted to have sex with me. and to have a sea cow think that you’re another sea cow kind of puts a pretty big dent in the ego!)

4. The comments were A+++! I was a little worried I might burn for taking those pics, but given the opportunity, I’d do it again. (but maybe with better camera settings – like not ISO 800!)

5. Hmm… I guess I can only think of 4. Maybe I’ll think of a 5th post later on. Oh, I know!
5. That was a great trip! A lot has changed in the past 3.5 years! My hair is a lot longer (and a lot more GRAY zOMG!!), Sadie is all growns up (.com!), and Kim and Brandon are married and have a kid! Maybe I can go to Washougal again this summer. I’d like to visit Walla Walla again too.

I don’t get it.

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So… Who thinks my shit is blowing up in 2K6?
It’s funny because I have been typing about 433% less on the innernets this year, but in just 3 months I’ve already dished out more stuff than all of last year.
I don’t know why. My photos are blurry, my sentence structure is around a 4th grade level and the subject matter is ME.
And people are downloading over a gig of this stuff every day?
Color me flattered (and confused!).